Author(s): Tara Velting, Ann Stuursma

Tell Someone Who Cares

If you are in the middle of a divorce because your spouse was unfaithful to you or you were unfaithful to your spouse, who can you talk to and confide your secrets? Family members and friends often get tired of your concerns and complaints. We will listen of course. But, a recent article in Oprah’s “O” magazine reviews technology and infidelity and how the two things have become commingled. It is common knowledge that e-mail, texting, cell phones and the internet make cheating on your spouse easier. There are chat rooms and web sites which cater to someone who wants to date. However, technology is a two-edged sword because it also makes it easier and easier for the cheater to be caught.

If you google the words infidelity and discussion group you will come up with more than 10,000 hits, including, interestingly, dozens of web sites where people share their deepest, most painful marital secrets. Some of the include:,, and

The phenomenon of infidelity forums sits squarely at the intersection of morality, technology and secrecy. People are turning more and more to the internet to discuss painful parts of their marriages without the risk of anger, criticism or blame. Sometimes it is easier to share your feelings with a stranger and is far less embarrassing. The language of online message boards is also unique.

BS= Betrayed Spouse
PA= Physical Affair
EA= Emotional Affair
OM= Other Man
OW= Other Woman
EMA= Extra Marital Affair
MCL= Mid Life Crisis
Dday= Discovery Day
WS= Wayward Spouse

Technology is also changing the way we discover affairs and prove they happened. If you care to try a chat room to discuss your current situation, google away!

For more information, contact Ann Stuursma and Tara Velting.
300 Ottawa Ave. N.W., 8th Floor
Grand Rapids, MI 49503